Off to the Mountain I Go

It is way past time for me to get out of Dodge and meet God alone. I have been in a rut. It has probably been a rut that I caused, but a rut nonetheless. I am going away on a Breakthrough retreat with an organization called Heart Connexion Ministries. It is an intense time of letting go. I first met with this group 10 days ago. It was an unexpected encounter. I will blame it on God! Far too many coincidences to be anything less than God.

Bottom line: 10 days ago, when we all got together, it was all about leaving our crap at the door. We all have junk in our lives. For some of us the junk is an addiction. For some of us it is a broken relationship. For some of us it is a current relationship that is killing us inside. For some of us it is a crap load of messed up sexual stuff. For some of us it is a past that haunts us daily. For some of us it is simply us that we can seem to get beyond.

10 days ago, 19 of us decided to leave our crap outside the door. Part of the crap we left outside the door was the various masks that we wear in our normal lives. The masks of happiness. The mask of success. The mask of cool. The mask of tough guy. The masks of “you can’t hurt me.” I was uncomfortable without my masks. But I healed a little bit in the vulnerablity of that group.

So Today I leave for a five day retreat. I leave my front door without my masks. I leave not on a pleasant retreat. but a retreat of inward honesty. Who am I? Why am I? how did I get to be who I am? I leave to meet the real me! A few months ago I left for Poland, partly to get away from me. Today I leave not to get away from me, but instead to get closer to me than I have ever been. I hope to meet God inside of me the way I met God in a country far, far from home! I think this is all part of the same long journey that started on a trip to Poland.

Off to the mountain i go…to find me, maskless, hurt, and real.